Dear You...

How are you doing?

Dear You,

Hello! I was thinking of you today and wanted to write a letter to you. Pretend it arrived in your mail today with a fancy embossed letterhead, yet filled with stickers of childlike stick figures. Hi! How are yo doing? Seriously? I want to know.

The world is crazy right now. More than ever. I feel as though I am being bounced around like a pinball in a machine. Bumping up against horror, and hate and denouncing, and embracing and whiplash and who am I? What do I feel? What am I SUPPOSED to feel! Can I have my feelings, and not hurt yours? How can we possibly have different feelings, opinions about humans being slaughtered? I’m at a loss. Are you? Are you okay? What do you do to feel better? Without feeling GUILT!

I went up to see my family in Minnesota this past weekend. Mom says “hi” (just pretend!) She turned 83. She’s good. Balance is off, but her wit and pride still steadies her. How is your family? They good? Send them my love!

Seeing family helped. Very grounding. It was also great stepping away from social media, and news…news…news. Bad news.

Dad and I walked through the old church grounds. Saw old gravestones. Remembered people. I can go there now and not feel the weight of the Catholicism that once dressed me. I have strong feelings against religion these days. Shouldn’t be surprising. Look at the horrors brought on by Gods. Once upon a time I was sad when I stopped believing in the story. The book. I’m okay with it now. Prayers mean something different to me now. They are not directed TO someone, something. They are simply intentions. Energy. Spirit. Do you have faith in something? I’d love to hear what that is. I’ve always enjoyed hearing about what works for people. Whatcha got?

Did you have coffee this morning? Mine was really good. I put chocolate Ensure protein shake in mine for creamer. Delicious. Now I want another cup!! Was your morning good?

I went to another salon dinner at Kathy Griffin’s home last night. “Bringing back the Art of conversation”. I absolutely love them. This was my 4th. I’m still reeling from how special it was! But ,putting on my make-up I had feelings of guilt. Like, who cares what my face looks like!!! Who am I to go have fun?! I’m such an asshole for putting on this dress!! But honestly, me staying home with tear stains down my neck doesn’t help either.

SIA was there. SIA!!!! Over the years, when going through VERY intense times in my life, her music has been medicine. Like anthems for my personal marches. When I was drinking and going through a divorce; “Breathe Me”. When I was newly sober and divorced; “Numb”. Most recently, in the months leading up to my cancer surgery in July, I would CRANK her song “Unstoppable” as a means of trying to infuse that energy into my DNA. Pack it deep into my subconscious. It really helped!

So I told her about it. Before dinner. I had to. Then…guess what she did!!! First thing at dinner. Sia says, I’d like to sing something…FOR MO! And she just started SINGING IT!!! THE SONG!!! With PERFECT acoustics in Kathy’s fabulous space! My reaction was swift and wet!! I immediately started bawling. Fat tears! It was such a visceral moment! The impact! Almost as if I hadn’t realized until that moment that her song had WORKED! I am cancer free now! On the other side of it all, and there sits Sia… belting out [our] song! HA!!! Her generosity is an entree that can feed an army. I hope you one day get to meet her. Has anyone ever impacted you like that? Music. It heals. I hope you’re listening to music to get you through these days. To sooth your soul. Any recommendations?

Company and conversation helps. It can be my tendency to isolate, so nights like last night are good. It’s ultimately community that saves us all. Why can’t the world just be one big awesome community? It’s exhausting. Are you feeling tired? Extra tired? More headaches? Next time I see you, I’ll rub your shoulders, if you’d like (pretend!).

The dogs are doing better, aside from little Beanie’s excessive itching. The weather in my backyard is beautiful. No complaints. Have you pulled out your sweaters yet?

We should go sweater shopping. That would be fun.

Anyways………. I’ve been thinking of you. I hope you’re doing alright, and taking care of yourself. We’re all going through a lot, and just wanted to reach out and say “I feel you!!!”

We can do this. One day at a time. One deep breath at a time. Sending you love and understanding and compassion (should you need) and virtual hugs. Apologies if I get last night’s lipstick on your sweater. Just kidding. I didn’t wear lipstick. (although Selma Blair, REMARKABLE HUMAN, did!! And her lipstick case was a small dick! It was made of glass, and had WEIGHT to it!! It was hilarious!! Life and its moments!!

Keep connecting. Keep encountering one another. Keep love alive. Being human is as easy as it is hard.

Say HI to your fam!

Sincerely, and with Love,

M

o